Tips for Battling Insomnia

Having trouble getting to sleep? That's okay, it happens to the best of us. Even if you can justify sleeping in, it is important to go to sleep at a reasonable time. It will boost your attitude and make you less prone to myokymia. Here are some tips for battling insomnia.

You're probably thinking "But you're writing this blog post at 4am. You're clearly a hypocrite." What you see as hypocrisy, I see as teaching from experience. In my years, I've come up with some advice when dealing with insomnia.

#1: NyQuil

It's safe, cherry flavored, and very effective. I took NyQuil one time and stared at my reflection in the TV for six hours thinking I was the star of my own sitcom.

 #2: Counting Sheep
Oldest trick in the book! Pretty self explanatory.

#3: Darkness
Still haven't fallen asleep? Well this advice might help. If you can't sleep, you might feel tempted to fill your time with surfing the internet, video games, texting, and just looking at sh*t. If you're doing these things, DON'T. Staring at bright stuff like your computer, T.V. or cell phone screen will only make it harder for you to sleep. In other words, if you're reading this blog looking for advice on how to sleep, you're doing it wrong.

Evidence suggests that not only will you have trouble falling asleep, but you'll wake up in a bad mood as well. I found this article one time when I was struggling with insomnia and I'm fairly certain it backs up what I just said. However, I did not read the article because it was so long and boring that it about put me to sleep so I don't recommend reading it.

#4: Don't Get Discouraged
If at this point you still can't sleep, you're probably an insomniac. Don't feel bad just because it is a horrible condition that will probably shorten your life and ruin your chances of ever getting sex again. Although that is the likely outcome. Napoleon was an insomniac and look what he accomplished.

There's a lot you could do to stay productive.

#5: Start a Blog
That's what I did! It is very easy and requires no talent. If you can't come up with an original blog idea, just rip it off.

#6: Get a Night Job

I got this idea from the movie Cashback. It's about a guy with insomnia who gets a night job and can control the flow of time by cracking his fingers. Who wouldn't want that?

#7: Write Music

Adam Young of Owl City wrote his music while coping with insomnia—you know what. I changed my mind. Don't write music! The last thing this world needs is another stupid Fireflies song playing over and over on the radio. The Earth turns at 1,038 miles per hour, Adam, get over it!

#8: Start a Fight Club

At the risk of breaking rule number 1, let me just briefly suggest starting or joining a fight club. It is the most recreational thing you can do late at night besides 24-hour gyms. Should at any point Brad Pitt appear and start causing mayhem, shoot yourself in the head.

That's all I've got for ya. Enjoy your beauty sleep!

First Time Gambler

Yesterday I went to the casino for the first time.

It was a very different experience from what I expected. Instead of losing all your money to the slot machines right off the bat (like my parents would have me believe) the slots tease you! I would always start off with a string of semi-good luck, then win a little less than what I spend, then BOOM almost hit rock bottom. Right as I'm becoming discouraged, DING DING DING! Back to the amount I started with.

5 seconds later.

Defeated, I go home and come up with a new strategy. Cheating! So I attempt to teach myself to count cards. If Rain Man can do it, so can I.

Armed with my newly developed skills and a handful of chips, I return to the casino and head towards the nearest blackjack table. Tension builds as the dealer lays down my cards.

 

Of course my first instinct is to post a picture of my fortune on Facebook to show off. Incidentally, casinos don't like you taking pictures. At all.

And that is how I lost all my money and my iPhone.

Well that's a depressing way to end my first blog post... better lighten the mood a bit.

Blogging, huh.

Blogging is hard.

I learned that in high school when I first started blogging. Actually, I took a web design class and after knowing basic HTML started a web dynasty focused on the only thing I had to talk about, myself.

Incidentally, it became a problem choosing what is worth blogging about. I go on vacations, have birthdays, take showers, sleep, chew my nails—what justifies a blog post!? I have to remain consistent, but that just wasn't possible. So I decided to start a blog dedicated to my field of occupation and only wrote about my interest as it relates to me. After a few years I realized I was narcissistic writing that blog for myself, not caring for an audience.

In 2008 I was able to focus more on humor when I started a webcomic called Hysteria Syndrome. A few years later, after having been published in two periodicals, I retired the comic to focus on my major.


Now approaching 2k Facebook friends, creepers people come up to me (friends I never knew I had) and mention that they always read my Facebook statuses and find them very funny. I see potential for being more of an internet personality.

Others would complain that I post too much, too often. So I started a page for miscellaneous musings. That page turned into more of a Tumblr, with re-posted memes and unoriginal works. My statuses become more and more TL;DR as I go on, often humorous, tirades. I don't care to have a controversial blog. Something simple and enjoyable. That's what brings me here. And this is just the introduction.

I hope I can think of something to say.