Tips for Battling Insomnia

Having trouble getting to sleep? That's okay, it happens to the best of us. Even if you can justify sleeping in, it is important to go to sleep at a reasonable time. It will boost your attitude and make you less prone to myokymia. Here are some tips for battling insomnia.

You're probably thinking "But you're writing this blog post at 4am. You're clearly a hypocrite." What you see as hypocrisy, I see as teaching from experience. In my years, I've come up with some advice when dealing with insomnia.

#1: NyQuil

It's safe, cherry flavored, and very effective. I took NyQuil one time and stared at my reflection in the TV for six hours thinking I was the star of my own sitcom.

 #2: Counting Sheep
Oldest trick in the book! Pretty self explanatory.

#3: Darkness
Still haven't fallen asleep? Well this advice might help. If you can't sleep, you might feel tempted to fill your time with surfing the internet, video games, texting, and just looking at sh*t. If you're doing these things, DON'T. Staring at bright stuff like your computer, T.V. or cell phone screen will only make it harder for you to sleep. In other words, if you're reading this blog looking for advice on how to sleep, you're doing it wrong.

Evidence suggests that not only will you have trouble falling asleep, but you'll wake up in a bad mood as well. I found this article one time when I was struggling with insomnia and I'm fairly certain it backs up what I just said. However, I did not read the article because it was so long and boring that it about put me to sleep so I don't recommend reading it.

#4: Don't Get Discouraged
If at this point you still can't sleep, you're probably an insomniac. Don't feel bad just because it is a horrible condition that will probably shorten your life and ruin your chances of ever getting sex again. Although that is the likely outcome. Napoleon was an insomniac and look what he accomplished.

There's a lot you could do to stay productive.

#5: Start a Blog
That's what I did! It is very easy and requires no talent. If you can't come up with an original blog idea, just rip it off.

#6: Get a Night Job

I got this idea from the movie Cashback. It's about a guy with insomnia who gets a night job and can control the flow of time by cracking his fingers. Who wouldn't want that?

#7: Write Music

Adam Young of Owl City wrote his music while coping with insomnia—you know what. I changed my mind. Don't write music! The last thing this world needs is another stupid Fireflies song playing over and over on the radio. The Earth turns at 1,038 miles per hour, Adam, get over it!

#8: Start a Fight Club

At the risk of breaking rule number 1, let me just briefly suggest starting or joining a fight club. It is the most recreational thing you can do late at night besides 24-hour gyms. Should at any point Brad Pitt appear and start causing mayhem, shoot yourself in the head.

That's all I've got for ya. Enjoy your beauty sleep!